Chapter 16: Preparing for Peace – Willingness for Amends
Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so, would harm them or others.
"Happy are the merciful.” (Matthew 5:7) “Happy are the peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:9)
Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
- “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)
LEARNING POINT · 01Turning Towards Reconciliation: The Foundation of Principle 6
Having journeyed through inventory and confession (Principles 4 & 5), we now arrive at Principle 6, which focuses on restoring relationships – with God, others and ourselves.
This principle involves two key actions: offering forgiveness (covered more in Chapter 17) and making amends for harms we've caused.
Step 8 specifically addresses the crucial preparation for making amends: creating a list of those we've harmed and, importantly, becoming willing to repair that damage.
This willingness is the essential first step towards peace and reconciliation.
LEARNING POINT · 02The Core Principle: Cultivating Willingness and Wisdom
Step 8 focuses on preparing our hearts and minds for the actions of Step 9. This preparation involves several key elements:
Admitting the Hurt and Harm: This step requires revisiting our inventory (Step 4) with renewed honesty. We acknowledge the reality of hurts we've received (preparing us to forgive) and, crucially for Step 8, the specific harms we have caused others. Recognising our impact is essential for developing genuine willingness.
Making the List: Based on our inventory (specifically Column 5, where we identified harms caused and potentially Column 1 for those we need to forgive ), we compile a specific list of people we have harmed. This moves beyond vague guilt to concrete names and situations. This requires Organisation and builds on the Honesty developed earlier.
Seeking Encouragement and Support: Before rushing into amends, we need wisdom and perspective. Discussing our list and intentions with a sponsor or accountability partner is vital. They can offer objective feedback, help check our motives, encourage us and ensure we're approaching this step safely (Hebrews 10:24). This involves the life skill of Seeking Feedback .
Developing Right Motives: Willingness includes examining why we want to make amends. It should stem from humility, a sincere desire to take responsibility for our
part and obedience to God – not from expecting forgiveness, demanding reconciliation, or trying to manipulate the outcome. We act out of love, expecting nothing in return (Luke 6:35 GNB).
Discerning the Right Timing: Becoming willing also involves asking God for wisdom about when and how to approach amends (which leads into Step 9). Rushing in unprepared or at an inappropriate time can cause further harm. Prayerful consideration and discussion with our sponsor are key (Philippians 2:4). This requires Discernment .
Focusing on Recovery's Promises: Cultivating willingness is fuelled by remembering the potential outcomes: freedom from isolation, restored relationships where possible, peace of mind and experiencing God's restoration in our lives (Joel 2:25, Romans 12:18).
LEARNING POINT · 03Why It Matters: The Bridge to Repairing Relationships
Step 8 – making the list and becoming willing – is the essential bridge between acknowledging past wrongs (Step 4) and actively repairing them (Step 9). Without genuine willingness, attempts at amends can be half-hearted, insincere, or even harmful.
Cultivating willingness breaks down internal barriers like pride (not wanting to admit fault) and fear (of rejection or confrontation). It aligns our hearts with God's desire for us to live at peace with others as much as possible (Romans 12:18).
This internal shift prepares us spiritually and emotionally for the challenging but rewarding work of making amends.